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Posts Tagged ‘too fat’

extrawideberth

I’m not sure how to exactly title what I’m getting at here. I do believe I am pioneering this term right where at WFPDL. It came to me one day when I went to check my mail box on the street. I left my front porch making way down my long driveway to the road where my mailbox resides. I get close and take a final deep breath as I was winded from walking the path for a good twenty seconds or so. I go to open the mailbox, take out my mail when I noticed a car is coming down the road. My body is not in the road at all… I am still in my driveway… when all of a sudden the car goes all the way into the opposite lane to pass me. There was no reason for that! That car could have easily continued down the road in the lane without coming close to hitting my rotund shell.

I chalked it up to a one time event… until the next several times I checked the mail. Then I started to notice it when at the grocery store, and the mall, and restrooms. It’s as if by being too close they will catch what I have and pack on the poundage. Perhaps it’s like when you drive and your mirrors say “Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.”

Am I wrong in this? Do I actually require this unnecessarily extra wide berth? Am I taking up more space than I actually realize? Next time you’re around a whale pod watch and see… you’ll ensure they have plenty of space… in case they drop dead on you maybe?

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RollerCoasterSummer vacations, state fairs, and tourist regions are known for their fast food and their fast rides. This is a great time for those not weight challenged. Just the thought of going on such an adventure can cause kids to scream with excitement, while their fat friends and relatives scream in horror of the thought of being turned away from the ride.  One time I remember getting in a ride car with one of those metal lap bars that comes down for the restraint and having the attendant ask to raise my arms, cross my legs and suck in my gut while he pushed and even sat on the bar until it locked into position. That was not fun, but at least I was able to go on the ride.

Everyone knows someone who was told they were too fat to go on a ride and most fat people can laugh about it as long as it’s not them. Having a pimply faced teenager send a fat person away would bring much sadness to a fat person. They would most likely eat an enormous amount of fried food to help with the pain because as we all know…food makes it all better.

There are two signs for fat folk to look for when hitting the amusement parks. They are weight limits, and waist limits. Sometimes it’s not the weight of the person but the size of the gut. Can the safety bar lock in place or does ones lard belly bumper prevent it from locking? When looking for the appropriate signage be sure that you can read through the lines. Amusement parks will try and make it politically correct by saying “guests of exceptional size.” This may confuse the uneducated fat person.

Here’s a sample from an amusement parks website:

“Guests of exceptional size may not be accommodated on some of our rides. This may apply, but not be limited to, men who exceed 6’2″, or those who exceed 225 pounds, have a 40″ waistline or 52″ chest or females who exceed 200 pounds or wear size 18 or larger. Each person has different body proportions so it is not possible to list exact size and weight.”

Really someone needs to make the ultimate Fat friendly amusement park, and just design the rides for the likes of baby elephants as this would ensure plenty of room for the fatty’s.  I’m thinking more like reinforced inflatable rides for large adults. We can also replace the child’s ball pit with perhaps a large pool of barbequed ribs. Really who wants to go on thrill rides when you can eat yourself out of a pool of ribs?

 

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