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Posts Tagged ‘lubricated cheeks’

Low Water PressureI suppose this is one of those things that non fat people dislike too. But I think the supersized individual dislikes it even more. The hatred of low water pressure comes from two places. The first of which stems from a piece of equipment that creates many mixed emotions for a fat person… The Toilet. You see since fat people consume large amounts of food they must also dispose proportionate amounts.¬† Nothing strikes more fear into the heart of a fatty (except maybe a Co-Worker snatching the last maple bar out of the Community donut box) than a pitiful swirl caused by low water pressure that is insufficient¬† in even moving a giant sized turd. For all you not fatty thrill seekers out there if you want to get your heart pumping eat as much food as possible and then go to an acquaintance’s house that has low water pressure and drop a bomb. Watching as the deposit swirls and makes its way up to the rim of bowl is sure to make you squirt out any remaining Doody into your pants… That is if you have pulled them up already.

With that said, the second part of low water pressure is the almost nonexistent stream of water or worse yet the water saving shower head that creates nothing more than a mist. Contrary to popular belief some of the large brethren actually try to clean themselves even going as far as including spots under the folds to remove the stinky stank. This is near impossible with a low water pressure. Just as you would not try to clean off an elephant with a squirt gun… you should not attempt to clean of a fat person with a Low water pressure showers. They are a big’uns worst enemy. To better understand this it is important to realize that the path the water has to take to be able to reach the parts that need the most cleaning, it must travel around bulbous stomachs and large behinds. If it is a trickle by the time it gets past these obstacles it is pointless.

You may say… “Hey Tubby…What about wash clothes? Why not just scrub off the dirt?” Well Most Fat people I know have an aversion to wash clothes… Especially community wash clothes used by multiple fat family members. We know what hides in those dark places and can be transferred to a germ infested cloth. Besides we know that we need the full power that only a bar of soap in direct contact with our skin can provide. Rinsing off this full on soap attack is at the very heart of problem. If not properly rinsed off (especially in the cracks) this sudsy chemical layer reacts when left to heat and feaster in the nether regions. The lubricated cheeks then create more problems as one waddles which I will not get into at this point.

So as you can see low water pressure may be an inconvenience or undesirable for a regular person but for a fat person it is much more.

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