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Posts Tagged ‘fatty’

MMmmm Food

I know what you are thinking… How could a fat person not like Pot lucks. Well there are actually two sides to this and it is one of those issues that divides fat people. There are basically two groups of fat people… Those that do not care they are fat and in fact revel in their rotundness and then there are those that are self coconscious and constantly worried about their fatness and what people must think of them. The latter group looks upon the first group with disgust and often times feel superior to the group that doesn’t care even though often times they are in worse shape. But that is for another time.

With that being said the self-conscious group hates being involved in pot lucks. For one reason fat  people are by nature lazy and preparing food that is for someone else to consume is a hassle they  would rather not deal with. Why make food for others when you can stay home and eat it all yourself? Another reason is the self restraint involved, especially when you know there is a line behind you watching everything you put on your plate knowing that they are watching to see what ingredients a person eats to make them fat. A fat person hears the voices in their head as they pick a measly piece of meat from here, a small scoop of this, and they hear this from people behind them… “Come on fatty leave some for the rest of us!” Many a time I have seen the look in someone’s eyes as they realize I will be in front of them in line. A look of fear and hate that there will be no food left for them after the Buffetosaurus Rex is done with the food line. Then compound this with the fact that many fat people actually do eat all the food and there is even more reason to hate potluck.

Many times I have looked like a jerk to coworkers who have been unable to get away from their desk and so asked me to fill a plate for them. I have to come up with some excuse as to why I can not help them. I know from experience the looks a large person gets when walking away from a potluck with two plates. Trust me… at times (who am I kidding.. all the time)  I want nothing more than to consume large quantities of a variety of food. But I save that for the privacy of my own home… in the corner with only my own shame to make me feel bad…. That or Old Country Buffet where everyone else is either fat or too old to know what is going on around them.

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Don't Sit On Me!A papasan chair is a large, rounded, bowl-shaped chair with an adjustable angle and made of “sturdy wicker” or wood. The problem for fat people is however sturdy the wicker or wood may be, it is not enough. Lets face it, for a papasan chair to work for a fat person it would need to be constructed of heavy steel, concrete, bricks, or any other material used to construct industrial buildings.  You might as well make a chair out of popsicle sticks if you use wicker and wood to make a home for an enormous posterior. 

Should a fat person come to your home, and you ask them to sit down on your papasan chair be prepared to…

1. have a broken chair

2. call the tow truck company, because you will need a heavy crane to pull your fat friend from the ground.

I would highly recommend having large cement blocks available if you entertain fat folk often. The cement will most likely be able to handle the weight requirements of your often masticating compadre. You should not worry about entertaining much, as most fat people would rather meet their friends at a restaurant. This way they know what food options are available to them.

Papasan chairs are better suited for small children, smaller people with Asian backgrounds, jockey’s, or cats. Should you see a papasan in the house of a fat person chances are good that no one has ever actually sat in the chair.

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