Posted in Not Fat Friendly, tagged arena seating, concert seats, fat, fat people, fat people sitting, fatties, fatty, how to sit in a chair, sitting for fat people, stadium seating on July 27, 2008|
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So a few weeks back my wife and I attended a concert in an arena that seats about 17,000 people. We made our way up the stairs to the cheap seats just fine, and proceeded to sit down. Instantly I remembered why I did not go to a lot of concerts. Stadium and arena seating is awful for fat people. New stadiums try to pack in as many seats as they can, therefore the seats are very narrow with large cup holders. The seating cannot be comfortable for anyone larger than a horse jockey. If you are tall, your knees are going to be imbedded into shoulders of the person in front of you, and if you are fat, oh boy lets just hope you can clear the cup holders.My wife and I both found ourselves at the forefront of the row holding our breath in panic, hope, and worry all at the same time. Taking one big gulp of air, we forced ourselves to take the plunge down the isle, and into the seats that may or may not accept our overly portly bodies. It’s a process to actually maneuver ones fat rolls into the space provided. Picture if you will something like the letter Z. Your rear end starts at the top left of the Z and makes its way down and over as you come in under the left cup holder at an angle. Then immediately you secure your left thigh in position under said cup holder. Then leaning as much as you can still to the left, you drop the rest of yourself down hoping and praying you cleared the right cup holder. Once successful, you may lean a little back to the right shimming your butt back in the seat so that you do not spend the whole concert leaning to the left. The armrests do not move and your legs are now locked in place underneath the cup holder on one or both sides and now your weight is evenly distributed. Great, now your butt is in the seat, but the upper half of your body is most likely too large for the given area (seeing how you probably only paid for one ticket.) Basically this leaves you a couple of options.
Option #1: Sit with arms over chest, with your elbows in and your stomach as a prop to place your arms up.
Option #2: Put one arm on your belly and the other around the person next to you. If you do not know the person next you this may pose an additional problem and you may reconsider going back to Option #1.
If you know the person next to you Option #2 is good for both people involved as it opens up space for both parties. This option can only last as long as the persons arm does not fall asleep.In this scenario I chose option #2 for most of the night as my arm did fall asleep often. The only comfort I had was having my wife next to me to lessen any uncomfortable stranger touching that no one enjoys.Now that you are uncomfortably comfortable in your seat, you now have anxiety rearing its ugly head as you watch people walk up the stairs. You are hoping no one fatter than you has a ticket next to you, or that anyone will need to go down your row which will cause you to have to get back out of the seat you somehow managed to get your butter soaked behind into. Lets just say you hope there are no standing ovations, singing of the national anthem or anything at all that would require you to get out of your seat once your have managed to securely get yourself in place. It’s amazing with how much “extra effort” fat people have to go through, they are not thinner than they are. Regular sized people can simply sit down and stand up, but for fat people it’s like competing in an Olympic event or a Survivor style reality show. People could sell tickets to watch fatties take on “The Seats”. Will they make it in the seat? Can they get up if people need to get by, or are they too fat for the seat and require special seating?
To be continued in…
Arena Seating Part 2: Special Seating For The Fatter Fatties
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