Today I was going through my list of things fat people hate trying to decide what to sit down and write next when I heard the weather report for later this week. The weatherman said that Thursday we would have highs in the mid 80’s. At first I experienced jubilation to bask in the sun and enjoy a lovely warm spring day… then I remembered that I am a fatty who will sweat buckets and buckets of nasty sticky salty sweat.
Everyone likes the sun, without it things would pretty much suck, but the hot hot sun is something different. Most fat people consume gallons of Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, milkshakes, and Slurpees in the spring and summer months. Why hydrate yourself with water? There’s some water in everything we drink right? Sitting around under the hot hot sun tends to work like rotisserie chicken with large people. The sun beats down while the consumed soda or milkshakes bleed out of the fatty’s pores. While the flow of sweat runs down the sun tends to cook the sweat onto the skin creating an indescribable stickiness. This sticky paste is generally accompanied by the smell of sour milk, cheese, and pork rinds that pollutes the air and most likely causes holes in the ozone layer. This smell is extremely disgusting to others while it creates the sense of “hunger” for the fat person.
Yes the hot hot sun is no friend to those around fat people at all. It also causes the sloth like tendencies to go into a Supersloth mode. What may have taken ten minutes in “normal” temperatures now takes twenty. Tasks like doing yard work or walking to the mailbox may simply be impossible under high temperatures. However should the ice cream man come around the bend you know that porky is going to run like a Kenyan to get a fist full of Chaco Tacos.
Please don’t decide to get on a plane to escape the heat. I might be on board too. See the attached:
http://caughtinthemiddleman.wordpress.com/2008/02/19/letter-from-america/
Getting on a plane would not be an option to escape the heat. Airplanes and the Airport experience are other things that fat people do not like. A smart fat person would purchase two to three seats to provide a better experience… but really even that sucks.
I actually respect those airlines that do insist on fat people buying more than one seat. They should not be allowed to inconvenience people who fit the seats that they have paid for.
Given the long list of things that fat people dislike or which are hard for fat people to do, I am at a loss to understand why fat people don’t just try harder to get thinner?!?!
Haha… even I think that comment was dumb.
Yo middle man, be fat friendly, just understand that some ppl are happy being fat, its becomes part of thier identity. Thats why we say fat people, not people who are fat. Fat us fun:)
Yo Eli,
I am more than happy that you are happy. And, as the old addage goes…some of my best friends are fat.
My point is only this – please do not inflict your fatness on others. In much the same way as people cannot blow their smoke into the faces of non-smokers in most of the civilised world, it shouldn’t be the case that I get sat on by the over-weight person next to me whan I am travelling.
Brother Pele’s in the back, sweet Zina’s in the front
Cruisin’ down the freeway in the hot, hot sun…
Blogs have always been obnoxiously annoying to me, I think I’ve found one that I actually like. I’ll be back.
I think this website is really funny, although it’s abit insulting to fat people. I suppose it serves them right, though, I mean there the ones who ate all that junk, so I don’t really care. You rock, whoever made this website!
Emma
xoxox
😛
Well my opinion issssss….. I think fat people should be given and extra seat…the only problem is….planes aren’t made with BIG people seat to accomodate fat people. soooo fat people get 2 seats..seems unfair, but the world is un-fair..and i don’t want to be made to sit next to a REALLY fat, tall, smelly, snoody, talkative or any kind of uncomfortable person! There are alot of people who are un-pleasant to sit by…fat people are just one of many that are not pleasant to sit by, but same goes for tall, loud, sniffling or the young persons….so all in all fat people ARE normal, they are just a different KIND of normal. And not everyone is going to like you. I like EVERYONE, as long as they are nice, and bath regularly. My grandfather was REALLY fat, and he had to bath in a spa because he couldn’t fit in the shower….thats fat! He made fun of himself to get by, it’s sad but he loved being fat!!! it was like 90% love of food and sitting…and 10% sadness at not being able to play with his grand-kids
Some people cannot help being overweight. My sister literally has to starve herself to lose ten pounds. Her doctor said she is not meant to be a thin person. Maybe the same thing will happen to you one day and you won’t be able to lose weight. If you are mean to others, it will come back on you one day.
Lily…
Perhaps you don’t get it…
I AM FAT…
Do I need to break out the puppets to explain?
lol… I really don’t think airplanes are comfortable whether your a skinty bitch or a fatty mcfatterson. It doesn’t matter.